Breakthrough!

They say, "Good things come to those who wait."  I'm not sure waiting is so powerful, but I do believe good things are around every corner and in each and every moment.  Maybe "Good things come to those who release themselves from yuck" would be more accurate!  In any case, I've titled this post Breakthrough! because I feel like I've flown, with my arm outstretched like SuperAnnie, through an energetic ceiling and found myself in an open, expansive yet comfortable/not scary new space.

The worry that had been plaguing me is gone.  Somehow, sensations of peace and reassurance have taken its place and I feel confident that everything will be alright.  I am resisting any urge to analyze the minute details of this shift because my mind has a way of reinserting worry when I allow it to dwell on things it doesn't understand.  I know that the rest of me - my heart, body and spirit - perceives truth more easily than my mind does, so I am giving my attention to those and allowing my mind to rest and catch up.

Want to know what propelled me into this new space?  What fount of meditative wisdom ushered in tranquility?  Well...it was the complete meltdown I wrote about a few posts ago.  That's right, a meltdown was the key to my freedom.

I got to the point where I was unwilling to pretend everything was alright and I opened up to my pain by giving it full expression.  I cried, ranted, raged, and said exactly what I felt was true in that moment.

Instead of telling myself "It'll be okay" or something else meant to change my state, I said what I really believed: "I've wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on education that isn't helping anyone and is putting immense strain on my life."

If I had dwelled on that last thought, I would have felt worse and worse because my brain would have reinforced my painful belief and the energy would have continued to swirl inside me.  Instead, I gave the thought and its accompanying emotions full expression and guess what happened?  The energy MOVED OUT of me.

Think of it this way: Imagine you are holding a balloon filled with air. You're holding the mouth of the balloon closed and becoming more and more upset about the air that's in the balloon - you want it out.  You look at the balloon, visualize the air leaving it, beat it against a wall over and over again...nothing changes.  Then, when you've had it, you yell, through your arms open wide and, without thinking, you open your hand. The balloon takes off, ejecting air as it spins and races through the air until finally, it comes to rest, empty.  What had seemed impossible was achieved effortlessly once your grip opened up.  That's what happened to me.

Living in a state of openness, rather than trying to control everything, I feel better and my business blossoms.  It's happened many times before, but I forgot because I was so distracted by my failing attempts to control.  Isn't that unnerving?  We can so quickly forget the ease and get stuck in the yuck.  But, luckily, it's just as quick to free ourselves from the yuck and breakthrough into ease.

Last week, I gave a presentation to the local chapter of SHRM, (Society for Human Resource Management).  Afterwards, a woman sent me this email:

Annie,

Thank you for such a wonderful presentation yesterday.  I have my Master’s in HR Management, and have taken a complete course on conflict management.  I got more out of your one hour presentation than that entire course.

How much do you charge to present that 1 hr session to a business?  I would love to have my management team hear your presentation.

Thank you,

I am happy to be attracting new clients. And, even if new clients did not find me, I know that everything is alright.  I am free from the yuck that was plaguing me, so anything is possible!

Guest blog: How Possibility Can Propel You in Love and Life

Today's article is provided by Sheryl Sitts, MPA, BA, a wonderful woman who helps others open to possibility in every aspect of life. Enjoy!

Every relationship we have, personal and professional, is created and maintained through communication.  Maybe that’s why it fascinates me so much!  From radio announcing to dysfunctional family reunions to mediating family disputes over everything from custody issues to who should get the family boat trailer, I’ve certainly had a fertile ground to observe and learn about human interaction.  It’s fascinating how quickly we can put aside a love we’ve worked hard to grow for years because we can’t get past which one of you is ‘right’.

One trick I particularly like when mediating a dispute where two people are clearly stuck in disagreement is to ask them to move so they are both sitting on the same side of the table.  Then, I place the problem out in the middle of the table and invite them to brainstorm every possible solution they can think of to the problem together.  What happens next is truly amazing.  Partnered together in a common purpose, they move past this-or-that into the realm of pure possibility.  What a magical place!

Sometimes we have internal disagreement with ourselves!  We hold onto belief systems that we were taught until they no longer serve us.  Sensing they don’t work anymore, we want to get rid of them but we were taught things can’t be any other way.  So, we keep doing what we’ve always done and hoping for a different outcome…the definition of insanity, right?  Instead, why not replace whatever is not working with, “I don’t know”.   Whenever we create a void, the Universe immediately sets about filling it.  So, by creating an empty space where that sabotaging belief once was, something else can now show up.  We have invited possibility into our lives again.

It is a bit discomforting at first to sit in the void in a relationship or even in a belief within ourselves.  All our insecurities and hidden fears show up.  However, if we can bring ourselves to simply observe them and let them pass without scrambling to do something and make that uneasy feeling stop, we will soon notice that it isn’t as bad as we feared.  In fact, as possibilities show up and expand our world and our relationships, we often find happiness.   I encourage you to invite possibility into your life in whatever areas you’ve been stuck.  Invite those you love to brainstorm and problem solve with you and discover the real power of collaboration while remembering the love that has been suffering the other way.  Here’s wishing you a life filled with peace, purpose, and passion…naturally!

Sheryl Sitts, MPA, BA is Founder and Chief Inspirational Officer for Journey of Possibilities.  Her own journey has led from corporate America to the Amazon of Peru with a shaman and subsequently on an intense two-year healing path to her current mission of empowering others to live with peace, purpose, and passion.  Her online holistic community features educational articles and forums where guests can ask questions and better understand holistic alternatives while meeting like-spirited individuals and product/service providers.  Sheryl consults with holistic professionals and nonprofits to improve their marketing (online and in person) and business practices to operate successfully and sustainably. Visit Sheryl online at http://www.journeyofpossibilities.com.

How to Set Expectations without Feeling Guilty or Rude

Have you ever felt guilty or worried you'll come across as rude if you set firm expectations with someone?  In a world where politeness has become confused with not speaking our truth, many of us have decided to back down when other people (for example, our employees or kids) don't like what we're asking of them.

The bummer about that is we become stressed, others don't know exactly what's expected of them, and eventually they stop trusting us to lead.  If you want to set expectations firmly but without having to shout or feel angry, follow this advice: Keep It Simple.  I briefly explain this in the video below, but if you'd like a more detailed description, jump to the paragraph below.

When it comes to setting expectations, Keep It Simple means:

• Manage your own emotions.  If you come to the conversation anticipating pushback or worried about being liked, then your nervous system will be prepped for a fight and it will be very difficult for you keep it simple.  Do your best to keep an open heart, breathe deeply and focus on the facts.
• Be clear. If there are only two options, then make that clear.  You might say, "I need you to know that these are the only two options available right now." 
• Avoid debating about why those are the only options, unless you are willing to change them.  If the other person says the two options won't work, invite them to tell you why they believe that.  
• If their answer is free from emotional reaction and they seem to have valid points, then consider whether or not you want to (or can) change the options. 
• If their answer is fueled by emotional reaction, then take that as a clue that they are feeling threatened or afraid.  Ask them what they need in order to succeed with option A or option B and do your best to help them get what they need, but make it clear that they are responsible for their own success.

You don't worry about coming across as rude when you give someone your address do you?  You know that the only way they'll find your house is if you keep it simple and tell them your address, rather than describing the general part of town you live in and hoping they'll eventually find you.  It's the same thing when stating expectations.  Being clear about your expectations empowers the other person to succeed the same way giving your address empowers someone to come to your house.  And, it frees you from the stress of trying to please everyone.  Try it!  I think you'll like it.

If you'd like more explanation, I'd be happy to answer your questions - just make a comment here or contact me through my web site.  Or, you can find much more information and guidance in my book The Secret Life of Communication: Opening to Unlimited Love.

Allowing VS Controlling

Like many couples, my husband and I are opposites. He was predisposed to go with the flow, while I came out of the womb with a checklist in hand!  My urge to control comes in handy during a crisis, but at most other times, it actually creates a sense of crisis inside of me - one that my brain wants to resolve by trying to control even more.

My hubby and I are both authors and each of our books was published in September. Since then, Doug has continued to post to his blog and, while he would like more readers to post reviews of his book on Amazon, he's been very calm about the whole thing, trusting that if his fantasy novel is supposed to be successful, it will be.

I, on the other hand, have signed us up for marketing workshops, read books on how to publicize a book, and generally kept myself awake adding to my "To Do" list and knowing I can't possibly complete it. 

While Doug trusted fully, I trusted on a superficial level, 

but emotionally, physically and mentally 

I worried that I wasn't doing enough...

...and therefore, my book would not help the millions of people I believe it can help, and therefore, I would have wasted my life (a bit melodramatic, I know, but that's where my brain can take me in a nanosecond).  And oh, by the way, I'm exhausted. 

So, here's the thing: I teach that everything in our lives mirrors the core beliefs we hold about ourselves. My belief that I have to do/control has been mirrored to me in my physical, mental and emotional weariness and by very slow progress with responses to my marketing efforts (as far as I know). 
  
On the other hand, Doug's belief that his role is to facilitate or allow whatever is meant to be, has been mirrored to him beautifully in the past week.  Without him controlling anything, his book was selected by Barnes and Noble to be sold in stores, then the same day we heard that great news, he received a phone call from a blogger who had come across Doug's business card, on which he has his book cover and a QR code for the book.  The blogger was so taken by Doug's book cover that she visited his blog and she liked his blog so much, that she decided she wanted to read his book and write a blog about it!

Seeing my beloved engage with life as an Allower helps me to deepen my trust in the process.  This weekend, I put my Controller to bed and decided to focus on following my bliss from moment to moment. If I feel inspired to market my book, I will.  If I feel inspired to take a walk or nap, I will.  Today, I awoke to find 2 new 5 star reviews of my book posted to Amazon and a message from a reader who told me my book had changed her life. 

As soon as we change what's on the inside, 

life mirrors those changes on the outside.