Either I am good or I am bad...either I am happy or I am sad...either I must work or I can rest...
My mind likes to think in terms of either/or instead of both/and. Maybe it's because either/or thinking is cleaner, more organized. Growing up, organization felt soothing to me because it gave me a sense of safety. My simple lists (of chores, meals or homework assignments) helped me to believe that something in my chaotic surroundings was predictable. So, maybe it isn't so much that my mind likes to think in terms of either/or as it is that my mind is used to thinking that way.
Lately I have been noticing different ways in which this coping mechanism - which served me very well when I was young - actually limits my freedom and my joy. Sitting by the ocean, I thought about the fact that the tides move in and out, not in or out. The water is constantly in motion, and that motion facilitates life for millions of creatures. The most beautiful times of day occur when day and night blend, showing me what both/and can create.
I think it's time for me to put down little Annie's safety blanket called Either/Or so that I can open up to my life's fullest, deepest, yummiest, messiest potentialities. I enjoy working and I enjoy resting - sometimes in the very same day! Sometimes I feel happy and sad at the same time. My whole being yearns to serve the world and to be a mother and to live in love with my husband. When I think of choosing one or the other, my energy drops and my heart feels sad and scared. But, when I think of opening up to all three, my energy soars and my heart sings!
Today, I remember that my mind supports me by repeating patterns and some of those patterns that used to serve me, now no longer do. I also remember that my heart and body support me by responding to my thoughts in ways that help me to decide if those thoughts are true and helpful, or false and unhelpful. By giving attention to my body (energy) and my heart in this moment, I am learning to relax into a new pattern, called Both/And. That feels soooooo good!
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My newest book, The Secret Life of Communication: Opening to Unlimited Love, is a great resource if you are curious about how your mind, heart, body and spirit/intuition communicate within you.
